Tennessee Trip 2017

While in Georgia, we decided to take a short side trip up to Gatlinburg, Tennessee to visit out friend, Hawk, and go camping for a night in Cade's Cove. We encountered a lot of beauty, and some adventure too! We went hiking to see waterfalls, got stuck on the side of a mountain with no reception for four hours while waiting for wreckers to get a semi that fell partly off the side of the mountain to safety and out of the narrow twisty road. We hung out with Hawk, rode the Wheel, and swam in a creek. It was really nice to be back, since the last time we were there, Rosalie was still in my belly! :) Grateful for the time we got to spend there, and the company we had!

Georgia Trip 2017 Part 1

So we decided back when David's family was here visiting last year that we had wanted to attend the International Pole Convention this year, which happened to be taking place an hour or so from where his family moved to. Kill two birds with one stone! We made the trek on a mini week longish roadtrip and headed to Georgia to visit with family, attend the Con, and even took a side road trip to Tennessee to visit with a friend and camp! That said, this time around, I decided to take little clips of our entire trip, and I've finally gotten around to putting the first three days together! Go take a look at our little adventure!

We hiked up to Anna Ruby Falls, had lunch in Helen, GA, visited family, took the girls to a taste of my childhood at Babyland General Hospital to watch the birth of Cabbage Patch doll, and had lots of fun doing it!

So much for staying on top...

So in case you haven't noticed, it's been several months since I've gotten around to making an update. I'd intended to make a real effort at keeping up with it, and then depression hit again. 

Depression is something I have struggled with for most of my life. In my younger and teen years it was especially present, but as I got older, it's been much much better. That said, occasionally (especially when the weather is shitty) I get into bouts of it. Usually it leaves again almost as quickly as it came, but after we came home from our trip in December, it started to show up, and decided to stay for a while. 

Unfortunately, in addition to just feeling sad and down, for me, it also brings on the shittiest eating habits as I try to find happiness in food. Needless to say, I started gaining a good bit of weight after having eaten nearly my weight in carbs for months, and putting pole on hold because I just couldn't find happiness and motivation in it anymore. 

I'm ashamed to admit that I am not only back up to 133 lbs., but I've lost a lot of the moves that I used to nail back in November, and the cycle has just continued over the months. 

Earlier this month, David and the girls and I made a roadtrip out to the east coast to visit his family, my family, and a lovely friend. While we were there, I felt completely in my element, and was just purely happy. I soaked up every single minute of it. We also attended the International Pole Convention in Atlanta, GA, and got to take a few workshops, including some together. It really renewed my want and motivation to return to pole. I was inspired again. Since we've been home, I've been taking as many classes as I can reasonably take (without being too selfish) and David and I will be performing (separately) for our very first public show at the Swan Dive this Thursday night. I am both excited, but also super nervous..

I recorded myself, and while I'm mostly satisfied with my routine, I come back to seeing myself in video and just feeling like absolute shit for both looking the way that I do and for letting myself get to this point. You would think that it'd then be super simple to just use that as motivation and get back on track, but really the cycle just continues, and seeing myself like that depresses me and makes me want to eat more shit. It's a very tough cycle to break for sure, but I'm really trying to take the first steps to correct is, and the first one is admitting my problem to both myself and others. 

I want to be confident and feel sexy like I did this time last year. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. I want to be strong. So here goes...wish me luck...