Seriously...time is just flying past me. On Sunday Sophia will be 8 months old already, and Monday starts October. I just can't wrap my head around it. A lot has happened this month, some good, some bad. I've still been struggling a little bit with my emotions but it happens. I joined a book study with my sister in law, Meredith to hopefully help me figure out how to manage those emotions. Had some family stuff go down that's got me a little messed up and I've been thinking a lot about my grandparents. I miss them a lot and am sad that they never got to meet Sophia or even know about her. It breaks my heart that the ones that would've loved her so much are dead and the others honestly might as well be since they made a decision a long time ago to be toxic. And I decided that I will not have my daughter have people in her life that put conditions on their love and are so stuck in an imaginary selfish world. Sometimes I wish things were different, for Sophia's sake, but ultimately we're in a much better place without the drama and trash in our lives. I am determined to make a good life for my daughter. I am so proud of myself. Of who I've become and the things that I've accomplished. I still have things I struggle with and work on but given the shit hands I've been dealt over the years, I've grown so much and have the best people in my life. I have an amazing husband and the most beautiful, smart daughter in the world. I have the closest family possible who are all my best friends and I have an amazing second family through my husband. I am so grateful. I love them all dearly and would not be where I am today if it were not for such a good support system.
In an attempt to keep it all together with the PPD without meds, I've been reading every night once Sophia goes to bed and have been crafting like crazy. I've been crocheting until my hands hurt and made mine, Renee's and Sophia's Halloween costumes! I'm also working on a Christmas tutu dress for Sophia and working on some items for our winter trip to Canada. :) I really can't wait. I've also been trying to start her Christmas list and have to keep crossing things off bc every time I think I'll know what stage she'll be at, she surpasses months early.
